“What if there were only sixty more holidays left in your life, or fifty more summers, or ten more times that you’ll wake up early enough to watch the sunrise? What if there were only fifteen more times you’ll fall asleep listening to the ocean beat against the shore? What if you’ve already read your favorite book? What if you only have three more times to see someone you love? What if you only have one? How fast does that change things – to think that maybe you do not have forever, though it feels like you have so much longer to survive? How differently will your eyes set their gaze the next time you arrive at one of those sacred moments, those irreplaceable days? How much more will you pay attention? How much more will you see?”
Words by Brianna Wiest
At the end of 2023, one beautiful soul reposted this text and I’ve had it in mind since then.
On the first Saturday in 2024, I woke up much before sunrise. I had one plan – to walk to the nearest mountain with my dog, take the camera with me, and capture the sunrise from above.
But around 6 am I heard a soft noise from the outside – it was raining. The clouds were hiding all the stars and I knew there would not be a captivating sunrise, not that day. I almost stayed home, suddenly tired and sleepy.
But then I remembered that text.
What if there were twenty more Saturday mornings like this, when I could walk in the rain, with no one around me, no one in the woods because it is a holiday, the weather is poor and everyone is still asleep?
I went out. I took my raincoat and my camera, and the two of us went towards the mountains.
Nature is different during rain. The colours are duller, grey tones prevail. There are no contrasts, no chiaroscuro. And I love chiaroscuro in my photographs. I always chase sunshine because the game of sunlight and shade gives such a lovely story and vividness to the shot.
But now, there was no sign of sun, of sunrise, of that soft golden touch. Everything was in blues and greys. It made me forget about the camera and just be. I felt cold rain on my cheeks and I just stopped there, all by myself in the mountains, on a Saturday morning at the beginning of 2024.
It can be difficult to connect with yourself – I know it is quite difficult for me. To stop thinking about what I have to do next, or where I have to go. I became aware that I am almost constantly breathing very shallowly and being stiff. While working, I pressure myself to do as much as possible in the given time – that means that I am under pressure for 8 hours straight. When walking, taking a shower, or eating, I do to-do lists in my head. Do I have everything for my lunch tomorrow? What will be my next project? I have to clean the kitchen after this.
This subtle, but constant pressure desperately asks for a connection with myself. And when I don’t recognize that, it keeps me from myself and takes one more sunset, or sunrise, or snowy morning from me – because if there was a beautiful moment like that, with this absent mind I wouldn’t really live through it.
I remember one summer when we were cycling across my favorite island. We had a whole day for ourselves. I was driving full speed on my bike and in that one little moment, right there, there was a perfect shot – a perfectly framed view that I felt would end up being an incredible photograph. But as I flew by on my bike, my mind said: “Oh, It’s already behind you… Now it’s even further. You would have to go back and they would have to wait for you. Let it go. There will be some other time.”
There was never some other time. That place was unique, and even if I ever find it again, the lighting and the clouds will never be the same. That was my one shot, and I didn’t go back because the others would have to wait for two minutes. And we had all day.
And that rainy Saturday, when I stood all by myself in the mountains, feeling the rain on my cheeks, I caught myself thinking “I should go, she’s waiting to go home and drink water”. My dog was waiting for me? She would stay in the woods the whole day if she could. She had the time of her life, not paying attention to me at all. Thankfully, this time I laughed to myself – and stayed there a little longer.
What if there were only sixty more sunsets in your life?
Would you stop doing whatever you were doing and just for a moment admire the astounding palette of colours right there in the sky?
What if there were only fifteen more summers of health and strength? How would you spend them? Would you travel and explore this world more often during the year? Or would you wait the whole year for those two weeks of summer, fifteen more times in your life?
What if there were only 365 days your loved one was in this world? Would you remember to tell them out loud what they mean to you?
What if there were only ten more Christmases with the whole family? Would you be stressed out about the presents, cooking, and cleaning the house, or would you find some other things more important?
These thoughts put things in perspective and give us a sense that we are not here forever. You want to learn how to dance? Good, then you have to do some research, pick a dance studio, and save some money for it. You want to save some money? Then you have to see how you can manage your expenses or earn some side money.
You want to travel while you still have healthy legs and the willpower to see new places? Then you have to change a bit. You have to become more flexible, start getting out of your comfort zone, to plan finances differently than before. We can all travel more, but we rarely do, even when we want to. Until next summer, we tend to come back to our comfort zone, to our daily routine, and forget about our wishes.
The text from the beginning of this story gives me courage. Because when I remember my life is not infinite, I understand that I have to start trying out new things that I want – these days. Not next year.
And the lack of courage is often the one thing that prevents us from living our lives to the fullest. The lack of courage is often the one thing that prevents us from experiencing different things, and through different experiences – finding our purpose.
What if there were only sixty more sunsets in your life?
What would you do?